The DogStew College Fiasco
by ArtikGato
Summary: AU. Excel and Hyatt just graduated High School and are going college hunting. Excel's mother persuades them to go check out Dog-Stew College, under protest from Excel, who would rather die before she went to Dog-Stew College...until she meets Ilpalazzo!
1. The Insanity Begins!

**The Dog-Stew College Fiasco**

**By ArtikGato**

Disclaimer: I don't own _Excel Saga_. I cry now. Just kidding! I don't think I'd want to be Koshi Rikdo! He got stabbed by Excel twice, you know!

Author's Notes: On the first day of college, I was sitting in my history class bored as the teacher had yet to show up and I started writing. That was at 11:00 in the morning. I wrote on and off throughout the day, and this is what was produced! Tada!! I got my inspiration back!! Enjoy! This is alternate universe, and contains Excel x Ilpalazzo, Hyatt x Watanabe, some small amounts of Misaki x Iwata, and trace amounts of Yeti fur. I know there are some things wrong about this, like the fact that most Japanese students don't go to college, but oh well. DEAL WITH IT!! Oh, and sorry I made Hyatt fall asleep constantly instead of die constantly, but it was easier for me to write her with a sleeping problem than with a dieing problem. Normal people wouldn't take a mostly dead Hyatt too well. oO

**Chapter One: The Fateful Meeting**

"Hatchan! Hey Hatchan! I swear this girl sleeps like she's dead or something. HATCHAN! HATCHAN!! PAGING HYATT AYASUGI!! **IT'S TIME TO WAKE UP!!**"

With a delicate yawn, Hyatt opened her brown eyes to see Excel Excel, her best friend since grade school, standing over her with a bucket of water, ready and willing to pour it onto her.

"Oh, is it morning already?" she asked. Excel put the bucket down and sat down beside Hyatt.

"Yeah it is, Hatchan, but it's not just ANY morning! It's the first morning of the rest of our lives! Our first morning as free adults! It's...the first morning after our high school graduation!!"

"Good morning!" greeted the blonde-haired Minako Excel, Excel's mother, as her daughter entered the kitchen, followed by Hyatt.

"Morning mom! What's for breakfast?" Excel asked as she plopped into a chair. Hyatt smiled and bowed politely to Mrs. Excel before taking a seat.

"I cooked pancakes for my big High School graduates!" Mrs. Excel exclaimed.

"Yaay!" Excel cheered.

"Thank you for allowing me to sleep over at your house and partake in this wonderful meal, Mrs. Excel." Hyatt replied.

"Hyatt, how many times have I told you, you can call me Minako! Or even Mom! How many years have you and my Excel been best friends?" she replied, setting down a plate of pancakes in front of the two girls. As Excel busily inhaled 8/9 of the stack of pancakes, Hyatt delicately ate one pancake and proclaimed herself full.

"So, girls, are you going college hunting today?" Minako asked them.

"Mrmph phmph grmpham phf!" Excel answered.

"Yes, we are...um...mom," Hyatt answered carefully.

"Where are you two thinking of going?" she asked.

"Oh, well we were going to check out the local colleges first. Like _Neko no Tama_ (Ball of Cats) or _Tori no Hi_ (Flaming Bird)..."

"Why not _Inunabe _(Dog Stew)?" Minako asked.

"Well..." Hyatt began, but Excel interceded.

"Prphmph grmph fmph!!!" she exclaimed, pausing to swallow the five pancakes she had just shoved in her mouth. "No way! Not _Inunabe_!"

"But why not, honey? It's cheap, it's a good school, it's close to home--" Minako began.

"But we went to _Inunabe High School_! I don't want to go to _Inunabe College_!"

"It's a family tradition! Your grandmother went to _Inunabe_ and met your grandfather there, then I went to _Inunabe_ and met your father--"

"Yeah, what a catch," Excel muttered, unheard by Minako.

"--and so you should go there and maybe you'll meet your future husband!"

"Screw family tradition! I won't do it!" Excel shouted. Flames suddenly surrounded Minako, her hair stood on end, her eyes glowed red, and a gigantically huge sledgehammer appeared in her hands. She towered over the now cowering Excel.

"AT LEAST GO AND CHECK OUT _INUNABE_! **NOW!**" Dark Minako shrieked.

"Yes ma'am!" Excel squeaked.

"Oh my..." Hyatt said, and then promptly fell out of her chair, asleep. Minako's flaming aura and sledgehammer disappeared leaving a smiling, demure, pleasant woman.

"Good." she replied.

"Uh oh, Hatchan's asleep again," Excel said, taking a deep breath.

**"WAKE UP!"**

Excel grumbled.

"Stupid mom, makin' us come here like this," she said. Hyatt strolled along a few steps behind her, yawning.

"I mean, there's absolutely no point to this. There is no way I'll ever come here!" she exclaimed. Just as she said that, her feet caught on something and she found herself planted face-first in the dirt.

"Oh, I'm sorry! Are you all right?" an angelic sounding man's voice asked. Her skin tingled as a pair of hands lifted her face out of the indention it had made in the ground and sat her up.

"Yeah..." she started, but trailed off when she saw the man face-to-face. He had long,

silky-looking silver hair that fell down past his shoulders and framed his beautiful face. His eyes were gorgeous, yellow and catlike, the kind that could pierce your soul or set you ablaze with passion (the latter of which they were doing to Excel at that very moment), which were filled with concern now. A pair of small, circular glasses were sitting just low enough on his nose to make Excel's heart nearly explode it was fluttering so much, and she thought that at any moment a butterfly in her stomach might turn renegade and fly up her throat, thus choking her to death. But dying was NOT an option for Excel Excel at this moment, because then she would be deprived of seeing this young man's glorious face!

"That was an awfully long description, Miss Authoress. I think all of the readers out there just lost interest," Hyatt pointed out.

"Nah. Now no more references to the Fourth Wall," ArtikGato replied.

"I really am very sorry. I didn't mean to trip you like that. I wasn't watching where I was going." the man replied.

"That's okay!" Excel replied, her face a very unnatural shade of dark pink at the moment. "I mean, getting tripped--accidentally or on purpose--really sucks but it's not so bad 'cause I got tripped by someone as handsome as you!" she slapped her hands over her mouth and promptly turned vague shades of tomato. "I mean--"

The man laughed warmly, a laugh that sent chills up Excel's spine.

"That's okay. It's nice to get a compliment from a pretty girl once in a while," he replied. Excel proceeded to turn redder than humanly possible. He stood up, offering her a hand up. "I'm Ilpalazzo. But everybody calls me Ilpala,"

Excel took one look at his hand and eagerly took it, delighting in the strange tingle she felt.

"I'm Excel!" she replied, as he pulled her up. "So, Ilpala, do you go to school here?" she asked.

"Yes, I do. I'll be a senior in the fall," he replied. "And you?"

"Me? Oh, uh..."

A little window that only Excel could see popped up beside her. It read:

1) Tell the truth

2) Lie

3) Put it in

"Me? Oh, I'm going here too. I'll be a freshman!" Excel lied.

"Hey! That's only a half-lie! I AM going here...maybe!" Excel exclaimed to the Fourth Wall.

"I _said_ no more references to the Fourth Wall!" ArtikGato yelled. "Now you may continue."

"Oh? That's good. I guess I'll see you around then. Goodbye!" Ilpalazzo said, and walked off, waving. As soon as he wasn't looking, Excel stopped waving and watched his backside as he walked off. She promptly fell over due to a sudden weakness in the knees and all of the water in her body became a puddle of drool on the ground.

"Oh wow oh wow OH WOW!! Hatchan, did you **see** that guy?! Hatchan?" Excel asked, and turned to find Hyatt asleep on the grass, with a swarm of concerned people around her, poking her and/or making sure she was alive. Excel smacked herself on the forehead and stomped over.

**"HATCHAN!!!"**


	2. Summer's Over

**The ****Dog-Stew****College**** Fiasco**

**By ArtikGato**

Disclaimer: If I owned _Excel Saga_, there would at _least _have been a kiss scene between Excel and Ilpalazzo at the end! But there wasn't, so I have to resort to writing fanfiction! Ha!!

Author's Notes: Not much to say about this one. It's almost twice as long as the first chapter. I'm putting Misaki, Watanabe, Iwata and Sumiyoshi in the story and everyone's favorite rock-star Key makes an appearance. Oh and to my two reviewers (I am ashamed...oh well sigh), thanks for reviewing, and it was my original intention to make Ilpalazzo jealous...wait and find out _how_! (insert diabolical laughter here). Sorry for all of my self-insertion in this fic, but at least I didn't make myself a MAJOR CHARACTER cough Nabeshin cough. Okay, that's it.

NOTE: Simaki Tasuymya = Misaki Matsuya spelled funkily.

NOTE2: to avoid confusion, a line of Q' s will go across the page to indicate a scene change.

**Chapter Two: Summer's Over**

"Yay _Inunabe_! Go Dog Stew!" Excel shouted cheerfully, three months later. She set down a box marked "Excel's Junks" in what appeared to be a dormitory. Hyatt walked up beside her and she too set down a box.

"It's hard to believe you used to hate this school, Excel." she commented.

"Yeah, well, things change. People change, Hatchan," Excel replied. "Now, where's my wonderfully scrumptious Ilpalazzo?" Excel asked herself, somewhat rabidly.

The two of them were standing in a large room, half of which was lined with couches, chairs, and an entertainment center, and the other half of which was a kitchen. Five doors led out of this room, one standing wide open and leading to the outside, one halfway open and clearly marked 'bathroom', and three others, unmarked and shut.

"Okay, Hatchan! Are you ready to open your door and step into your new room?!" Excel asked. Hyatt nodded enthusiastically.

"But I wonder who our other roommate is?" Hyatt asked.

"Simaki Tasumya...or something." she replied, picking up her box. Hyatt followed suit. Excel walked up to one door, while Hyatt chose the door just next to it. They looked at eachother, nodded, and opened their doors at the same time.

About and hour and a half later, Excel and Hyatt emerged from their now completely unpacked rooms and sat on the couch, exhausted. Hyatt promptly fell asleep. Excel looked over at her, sighed, and got up, walking into her room. She emerged after a few minutes with a sticky note that read "_Hatchan, went to look for my future husband, hee hee, be back sooner or later, hopefully later. Say hi to our roommate for me if she shows up. Oh, and LOVE AND PEACE!!"_, which she stuck to Hyatt's hand before leaving.

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Excel skipped down the sidewalk, whacking random people with her arms which she was flailing about, or if you were unlucky enough not to get knocked down by her flailing arms she stomped on you. This was, of course, unintentional, but the stupid people in front of her really needed to get out of her way so she could go see Ilpala! She suddenly stopped.

"Come to think of it, how _am_ I gonna find Ilpala?" she asked herself.

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After just thirty minutes, Misaki Matsuya had managed to load all of her light and medium items into her dormitory, and she was proud of that, though also a little weirded out as the strange blue-haired girl sleeping on the couch had yet to wake up, no matter how many times she shook her, and no matter how much noise she made moving in. Now she was starting on the heavy stuff, a task she had been dreading.

She was hauling a rather large and heavy box of clothes toward the building when she found herself about to drop the box. She found herself confused when the box didn't hit the ground.

"Let me help you with that! A delicate lady like you shouldn't be carrying this all by yourself!" exclaimed a tallish man with spiky brown hair.

"Thank you, but just who are you?" Misaki asked, a little annoyed.

"Just call me Iwata! I'm here to help the needy, and so are my trusty sidekicks!" the man exclaimed.

"Who are you drafting into your little chick pickup scheme?!" demanded an angry voice from the left. Misaki turned to see two other men, one who was skinny and had longish black hair, and the other who was a larger gentleman, wearing glasses and with short brown hair.

-Yeah, and who said we're your trusty sidekicks?- appeared in the form of subtitles beside the larger gentleman.

"Come on guys, aren't you going to help a lady in need of help?" Iwata asked/pleaded.

"I don't need any help. I can get it on my own," Misaki replied.

"Sure you can, but I'm sure you wouldn't mind free help, would you?" Iwata asked. Misaki shrugged.

"Fine by me, if they'll help," she said.

"Fine, I'll help," the black haired man grumbled.

-Me too.-

"I'm Watanabe, by the way, and this is Sumiyoshi," the black-haired man replied, as he and the other man picked up similar boxes to help.

"My dormitory is 7A, just up the stairs and to the left!" Misaki exclaimed.

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Watanabe grumbled as he drug an excessively heavy box of what could only be rocks up the stairs in the dormitory complex.

"Why did that stupid Iwata get us into this? Just to pick up some chick he barely even knows? And, more importantly, WHY DID I AGREE TO HELP?!"

He finally made it to Dormitory 7A, and drug the box of bricks (but then again, even _bricks_ didn't weigh as much as this) into the room, and into the first empty space he could find. He wiped sweat from his brow and stopped to catch his breath.

"Come on, I've still got to carry my chair and my computer up here!" Misaki exclaimed, and exited, followed promptly like Iwata, and gradually by Sumiyoshi. Watanabe, exhausted, annoyed and thoroughly ready to murder Iwata for getting him into this, sat down in a chair to help catch his breath. He looked around the room, and his eyes lighted on a figure sleeping on the couch nearby. Bubbles appeared around him and strange piano music began to play.

"Who is this blue-haired goddess?" he asked himself, getting up and moving toward the couch without knowing it. Hyatt suddenly woke up, and stretched, opening her eyes and seeing Watanabe. Now, a normal person would have reached with surprise, fear and shock to open their eyes from a long sleep and see someone they had never met before in their dormitory, I'm sure, but that wasn't the sleepyhead Hyatt's reaction, nosiree.

"Oh, hello. I don't know what you're doing here since this is a girls' dormitory, but I'm sure you have a good reason for being here. I'm Hyatt," she introduced.

"I'm...W-w-watanabe," he stuttered, completely stunned by her beauty.

"Watanabe huh? So why are you here?" she asked, smiling. Watanabe's face instantly went twenty shades redder than it had been to start with.

"Huh? Oh, I'm helping your roommate Misaki move in..." he trailed off. Hyatt looked around and noticed the profuse amount of boxes and furniture stacked around her.

"Oh, is Miss Matsuya here already?" she asked.

"Yeah, in fact, she should be back any minute..." Watanabe trailed off, as Hyatt suddenly discovered the note attached to her hand.

"Oh, Excel left me a note!" she exclaimed, removing the note from her hand and reading it as best she could (Excel's handwriting isn't the best in the world).

"Watanabe, are you up here?" Iwata called, and suddenly came through the doorway, toting a large computer monitor, with help from Sumiyoshi.

"Just set it down in that chair, boys!" Misaki exclaimed, and they did so. She appeared in the doorway, keyboard in one hand, and mouse and random cords in the other.

"Good job, guys!" she said, and then noticed Hyatt. "Oh! You're awake! I was beginning to worry. I'm Misaki Matsuya, your roommate," Misaki introduced.

"Pleased to meet you, Miss Matsuya, I'm Hyatt Ayasugi," Hyatt replied.

"_Hyatt Ayasugi! I will carve it into my heart forever and cherish that name for all eternity!_" Watanabe thought, as little birds holding banners that said 'Love!' on them flew around his head.

"_Misaki Matsuya! I will carve it into my heart and forever cherish that name for all eternity!_" Iwata thought, as drunken looking ostriches ran in crazy loops around his head holding banners that said 'Sex!'. Sumiyoshi rolled his eyes.

"Oh, please, drop the formalities and call me Misaki," she said.

"Okay, Misaki!" Iwata exclaimed. Misaki turned and glared at him.

"YOU can call me Matsuya until I TELL you that you can call me Misaki!!" she hissed. Iwata drew back away from her, slightly afraid.

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"Aww man! Excel looked all over campus, but there's no sign of my wonderfully bishounen Ilpalazzo!" Excel whined. "Excel is sad...but why is Excel talking in third person? Excel thinks she'll have to stop that..."

Excel marched up the stairs of her dormitory, defeatedly. On her way up, she looked up to find a group of strange people (including three guys, which was odd as this was the girls' dormitory) heading down toward her. One, the one in the front, was a girl with brown hair in a ponytail. A man with spiky brown hair trailed behind her much like a lovesick puppy, and behind him was a larger man wearing glasses. Behind them...

"Hatchan? You're awake?" Excel asked, stopping on the stairs. Hyatt waved.

"Oh, hello Excel!" she called.

"Where are you going, and who are these people?" Excel asked, turning around and joining Hyatt as she was about to pass Excel.

"Well, this is our roommate, Misaki Matsuya, and these three gentlemen are students here who were nice enough to help her move into our dormitory." Hyatt explained.

"And am I to assume that you are Excel Excel, my other roommate?" Misaki asked. Excel nodded.

"So, where are you all going?" Excel asked, directing her question mostly in Hyatt's direction.

"We're going to have lunch and look around campus!" answered the spiky haired man.

"Okay...and just who are you three guys?" Excel inquired.

"Sorry, we haven't introduced ourselves. I'm Iwata, this is Sumiyoshi, and that loser back there-"

"Hey!" a black-haired man cut Iwata off from behind Hyatt.

"Sorry, sorry." Iwata replied. "That's Watanabe."

"Okay, so where are we going for lunch?"

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Excel gobbled down her lunch much like a ravenous beast, even going so far as to growl menacingly at Iwata when he attempted to "borrow" a piece of chicken from her plate.

"So, Misaki, what are you studying here?" Iwata asked, between bites.

"Please don't call me by my first name..." Misaki answered, with a distinctly 'I'm gonna axemurder you' tone. "And I'm going into Criminal Justice, thank you."

"Oh, so you wanna be a cop?" Excel asked.

"Yeah, something like that. What about you two?" Misaki asked, directing her question to Excel and Hyatt. They looked at eachother, and simultaneously...

"Not a clue!"

"Wow, we don't know what we're going to study yet either, do we Watanabe?" Iwata asked.

"No..." Watanabe replied, sweatdropping. Misaki looked at Sumiyoshi.

"And you?" she asked.

-I'm going into medicine.- appeared in subtitles hovering next to him.

"I wonder what Ilpala's studying?" Excel wondered aloud.

"Ilpala?" Misaki asked.

"Am I to assume you didn't find him?" Hyatt asked, smiling apologetically.

"Yeah...oh well, I've got all year, y'know," Excel sighed.

"_Him_? Oh, so you have a boyfriend, eh?" Misaki asked, half-teasingly. Excel blushed and waved her hands around madly in front of her face.

"No, no not a boyfriend...yet..." Excel replied, sheepishly.

"Excel met Ilpala while we were still looking for which college we wanted to attend, and she developed quite a crush on him," Hyatt explained, giggling at her friend as Excel slowly turned tomato colored.

Excel's embarrassment was sadly interrupted by the strum of an electric guitar.

"What's that?" Iwata asked. A rock song began to play, as everyone eating in the outdoor cafeteria area looked around for the source. A spotlight, from out of nowhere, lighted on a blonde man wearing red straps in the place of a shirt and red pants, who was playing an electric guitar.

"Who is that?" Watanabe asked.

"His pants don't have a back!!" Iwata shouted in horror and disgust.

"He's so...hot!" Excel and Misaki chorused, with hearts in their eyes (Excel was drooling). Hyatt acquired a slightly pink blush and nodded. Watanabe and Iwata fell out of their chairs and started to cry as if their lives were over.

"No fair!!" Watanabe wailed.

"How does that blonde, guitar-playing weirdo wearing backless pants get all the attention?!" Iwata demanded.

-That's life...- Sumiyoshi consoled.

The blonde-haired musician finished his song, leapt off of the table he had been standing on (much to the relief of the guy sitting behind where the musician was standing), and ran off through the crowd (much to the disappointment of all of the girls--and even a few guys--in the audience.)

"That was a very long sentence," Hyatt pointed out.

"Didn't I tell you guys to stop referencing the fourth wall?!"

"Who _was_ that guy?" Excel asked, awestruck, dumbstruck and starstruck.

"Who knows?" Misaki asked.

"Who CARES?!" Iwata demanded, disgruntled.


	3. Classes Begin

**The Dog-Stew College Fiasco**

**By ArtikGato**

Disclaimer: Why don't I own _Excel Saga_? That is a secret!! (sorries, been watching too much _Slayers_ lately. I don't own _Slayers_ either, fyi)

Author's Notes: I'M SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG TO POST THIS! I actually had this chapter done a while ago, but I wanted to be done with the fourth chapter before I posted this one, and hit a little writers' block in the fourth chapter. Gomen ne... And now it's the much-awaited third chapter!! Be warned of excessive references to the fourth wall, random/rabid violence, and wrinkly old Cryptkeeper grannies in Computer Tech. classes. No, that's not EXACTLY what happened in my computer tech class, but it's pretty darn close! Anyway, Nabeshin finally makes his grand entrance, The Great Will of the Macrocosym is drafted by moi to reset the universe a couple of times, and Ilpala's actually _in_ this one!

NOTE: For those who don't know, "referencing the fourth wall" means referring to the author/ess, or the higher powers at work anyway.

NOTE2: To avoid confusion, a line of Q's will go across the page whenever the scene changes (which it does often).

**Chapter Three: Classes Begin**

"Hatchan! Hatchan! YOO HOO! HEY! **WAKE UP, DANGIT! IT'S OUR FIRST DAY OF CLASSES!!**"

And so, with a demure little yawn, Hyatt Ayasugi greeted the new say, the first morning she would be waking up in her dormitory at Inunabe College.

"Good morning, Excel!"

Excel put down the bucket of water and sighed, making her way into the living room/kitchen area.

"What was all that racket about?" Misaki asked, taking a drink of her morning coffee.

"Oh, that's how I _always_ wake up Hatchan. The girl, I swear, sleeps like she's dead," Excel replied.

"So, what's your first class?" Misaki asked, attempting to start a conversation.

"Intro to Computers," Excel sighed. "Honestly! I think the college things we're all stone-aged idiots or something!"

"I think I have that class too..." Misaki replied.

"What about you, Hatchan?"

"Japanese."

"Oh, I feel sorry for you, Hatchan! What a boring class..."

"No, no, I _like_ Japanese."

"Well, it's almost time to go. Best of luck!" Misaki called as she walked out of the door.

"Wha?! Oh, crap! You gotta start waking up sooner, Hatchan!"

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Watanabe sighed as he walked toward his first class.

'_Not that I **mind** that Iwata and Sumiyoshi aren't in this class with me, but I don't want to be stuck in a class with a bunch of people I don't know...' _he thought, reaching the door marked Q443, the room in which his torture, or so he thought, would begin. He opened the door, and there, sitting in the second row of chairs was the beautiful blue-haired girl he had met yesterday, thanks to Iwata and his hairbrained girl-get schemes. He bounced over to the second row, almost floating, and shyly sat down next to her.

"Aren't you Miss Ayasugi from yesterday?" he asked.

"Oh? And aren't you Mr. Watanabe?" she asked, sweetly. He blushed, and piano music that only he could hear played as the background turned pastel and sparkles and bubbles floated around them.

'_She remembered my name!_' Watanabe shouted mentally.

"Welcome to Japanese 101," came a laid-back man's voice. Watanabe and Hyatt looked up, the bubbles, music and pastel background disappearing, to see a tall man with a huge afro standing at the front of the classroom.

"I'm Nabeshin, your Japanese teacher," the man continued.

"Hey, why am **I** the Japanese teacher?" Nabeshin suddenly asked. ArtikGato fumed.

"Because...you...are!" she exclaimed, punctuating each word with a blow to Nabeshin's afroed head. "NOW GET BACK TO WORK! AND STOP REFERENCING THE FOURTH WALL!!"

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Meanwhile, Excel and Misaki walked in a direction quite opposite of Hyatt and Watanabe, toward their class.

"Let's see...J11, J112...here we go! J114! Hey, where'd J113 go?" Excel demanded.

"Never mind. Let's just go in. I wanna check my e-mail," Misaki replied, dragging Excel into the class with her. Neither noticed frantic shouts from behind them from a certain man with spiky, brown hair.

"Misaki! Misaki! Umm...other girl! Wait up! Hmm...maybe they didn't hear me. Hey, this is my class too!"

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Sumiyoshi sat in Biology class, bored.

-Why did you stick me in a class by myself, authoress?-

"Stop referencing the fourth wall, darnit!!"

A pillowcase full of bricks drops on Sumiyoshi's head.

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Excel squirmed as she was forced (by Misaki) to sit between the fanboyish Iwata and the glaring Misaki, who wanted to axemurder said fanboy.

"To start your computer, first push the button on your computer..." droned the computer tech teacher, who had a condition originating from his birth that made him unable to talk in any voice other than monotone and made boredom just radiate from him. An elderly woman who looked more like the Cryptkeeper rather than a human being raised her wrinkly old hand.

"Which button do you mean?" she asked. Simultaneously, Excel, Misaki and Iwata all slapped themselves on the forehead.

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And so, the first class of the first day of class went by quickly for some, too quickly for others, and not quickly enough for some others. Excel headed off toward her next class, English, by herself.

"Q145.2? Who comes up with these ridiculous room numbers? Hey, you there, do you know where room Q145.2 is? HEY! I'M **TALKING** TO YOU!"

"I know where room Q145.2 is," said an angelic man's voice. Excel turned around to find Ilpala standing there, smiling at her with a hand raised as if he was waving.

"I-Ilpala!" Excel exclaimed, surprised and also very happy.

"Ah, so you remembered my name! And you're Excel, correct?" Ilpala replied. She nodded vigorously.

"So, you said you know where room Q145.2 is, right?" she asked. He nodded.

"Yes. I have a class near room Q145.2, so I'd be happy to show you the way," he answered.

"You will? Great!" she exclaimed.

"Well, let's go!" he replied, grabbing her by the hand and pulling her in a random direction. She practically melted.

'_He's holding my hand! He's holding my HAND!!' _she thought.

"BREATHE, EXCEL, BREATHE! BREATHE WITH ME! I SHOT YOUR PIGS!" Excel's brain shouted at her. Schuldig popped up, gave the "Love and Peace" sign, and disappeared.

"So, what class are you in?" Ilpala asked.

"English."

"Oh? I took some English classes. I enjoyed them, even though they were required for my field of study." Ilpalazzo commented.

"What field is that?" she asked.

"Law. Or, politics, to be more specific."

"Politics? You're gonna be a politician?"

"...something like that. Actually, I want to rule the world," he joked.

"Ah, here we are Q145.2. I guess I'll see you around, Excel!" Ilpala smiled and waved as he walked off toward his class. Excel sighed dreamily, and practically waltzed into class, with sparkly things floating around her as she hummed a random song that _really_ clashed with the background music. She didn't care about the odd stares she was getting from her classmates and teacher. She was used to getting odd stares anyway, her being Excel Excel, and, she mused, she would reather recieve odd stares than odd stairs, because where would she put them?

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"Oh my! Mr. Watanabe, are you in this class as well?" Hyatt asked, sitting down at a computer next to the black-haired man. He looked up, surprised.

"Miss Ayasugi!" he exclaimed, overjoyed. '_Maybe fate is paying me back for the horrors that are Iwata and Sumiyoshi by putting me in classes with Miss Ayasugi?_' he thought, in almost pure rapture. He turned to Hyatt, head filled with ideas of Fate and love at first sight, to find her asleep on her keyboard. He sweatdropped.

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-So, it appears I have a class with someone I know.-

"So it seems," Misaki answered, boredly.

-Q.-

Misaki looked at him strangely and began to edge away.

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"ArtikGatooo! Why am I in a class by myself?!" Iwata complained. A large elephant landed on Iwata, with the message 'STOP REFERENCING THE FOURTH WALL, DANGIT!!' painted on it.

"Ouch..."

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All through her entire English class, Excel ignored the teacher and instead wrote 'Hail Ilpalazzo!' all over the inside of her notebook, for no apparent reason, while having a very cough explicit daydream that we shall not describe for the sake of the rating. Maybe in a bonus chapter if the authoress feels like it.

After a grueling hour and a half, classes were dismissed, Hyatt woke up, and Excel dashed out of class to wait on Ilpala.

"See you on Wednesday, Ilpala," said a random semi-bishounen guy with blue hair as he walked out of the door of A15 (wow, a semi-normal room number!) followed by Ilpala, who paused in surprise at the door of the classroom when he saw Excel standing in the hallway waiting on him.

"Hey there, Ilpala!" she greeted, nervously.

"What a pleasant surprise," he replied, smiling as he walked over to her. "What brings you here, Excel?"

She blushed. "Umm, well...d-do you maybe wanna go eat lunch with me and my friends? I mean...if you're not doing anything else or meeting someone else for lunch or eating someone else for lunch--not that Excel means you're a cannibal or that you should eat _Excel_ for lunch, not that Excel would mind terribly--and Excel is ranting now I'm sorry..."

Ilpalazzo chuckled.

"You're a...peculiar girl," he said, much to Excel's horror. "But I happen to like peculiar," he added, much to Excel's delight. He grinned at her expression and held an arm out to her.

"Shall we?"

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"Where's Excel at, Hyatt?" Misaki asked, half-boredly. The two of them were sitting at a table in the outdoor cafeteria, along with The Three Stooges (a name that Watanabe severely protested to), much to Misaki's dismay.

"I'm afraid I can't say, Miss Matsuya," Hyatt replied.

"Come on, didn't I tell you to drop the formalities and call me Misaki?" she requested.

"Okay...Misaki!" Iwata exclaimed. Misaki fumed.

"**NOT YOU!!**" she exclaimed as she violently axemurdered Iwata.

"Oh, great, she went and axemurdered him!" Artikgato exclaimed, exasperatedly. "Hey Will-chan!"

"Yes, ArtikGato?" asked The Great Will of the Macrocosym as she appeared.

"Can you PLEASE reset the story?" ArtikGato requested.

"What's in it for me?" she asked. ArtikGato sighed.

"A fudgesicle?"

"Five fudgesicles."

"Two."

"Four."

"Three."

"Deal! Universal reset commencing in three..."

"M-miss Ayasugi, can I ask you something?"

"Yes Mr. Watanabe?"

"...two..."

Excel and Ilpala weren't saying anything due to the fact that they were currently engaged in a passionate make-out session in the women's bathroom.

"...one..."

"W-would you consider going out on a date with m-"

"Universal reset!"

"ARTIKGATO!!" Excel whined. "YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!!"

"Tough! Be patient, will you?!"

Watanabe, meanwhile, just cried silently as the universe reset itself and everyone forgot what had just happened.

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"Come on, didn't I tell you to drop the formalities and call me Misaki?" she requested.

"Okay...umm...Misaki?" Hyatt replied, unsurely.

"Can **I **call you 'lover'?" Iwata asked.

Misaki, yet again, violently axemurdered Iwata.

"DAMMIT!! Somebody PLEASE get that frickin' axe away from that crazy psychopathic (insert cuss word here) and Will-chan, reset the story again please?!"

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"Hey guys!" Excel exclaimed, as she and Ilpala walked up to the table, still arm-in-arm. Well, Excel actually _floated_ up to the table, so great was her joy.

"Oh, hey Excel! Who's this?" Misaki asked. Hyatt smiled knowingly.

"Am I to assume this is Mr. Ilpalazzo?" she asked. Excel nodded happily.

"Oh, so _this_ is the famous Ilpala?" Misaki asked.

"I guess I'm famous around here, huh?" Ilpala asked, breaking his arm link with Excel to scratch his head, nervously.

"Well...kinda. We've heard quite a bit about you from Excel, though," Misaki replied. Excel turned red and made violent 'I'm gonna beat your head in with a sledgehammer if you don't shut up!' motions. Misaki nodded and decided that there was a time for teasing and a time for silence.

Excel and Ilpalazzo sat down, but before they could order any food, they were interrupted by a strum of an electric guitar. Everyone looked up to see the strange blonde-haired man with red-leather straps for a "shirt" and pants with no backs standing on a table with electric guitar in hand. Before he could begin playing his song, a squadron of security guards ran in and rushed at him. He panicked and jumped off of the table, running off through the crowd and evading the security guards. Everyone sweatdropped and looked puzzled. Misaki and Excel looked ecstatic.

"It was that hot guitar player!" Misaki exclaimed. Excel nodded. Ilpala scowled.

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The next day began much like the last, Excel screaming at the top of her lungs, holding a bucket of water over her head, trying to wake Hyatt up. The girls prepared to go to their fourth class, Music Appreciation, while Misaki set off for her Math class. After quite a bit of desperate searching, Excel and Hyatt had no luck finding their class, but thankfully, they again ran into Ilpalazzo.

"Thank you for walking us to our class, Mr. Ilpala," Hyatt said, as she, Excel and Ilpala reached the door marked Æ77 (the room numbers just keep getting weirder and weirder, don't they?).

"No trouble," Ilpala replied.

"I'm glad we have a class together, Hatchan! Music appreciation...it should be pretty boring..."

"Well, I'd best be off. I have a business class. I'll see you later, Excel!" he said as he left. As soon as he was out of earshot, Excel let out an earpiercing shriek that would have made any NORMAL person axemurder her on the spot (and several random bystanders were sorely tempted), but only made Hyatt SMILE. She jumped around for joy.

"Hyatt! Did you hear that? He said he'd see me again! He's practically asking me out!!" she exclaimed, bouncing off of the walls and ceiling. Hyatt's smile broadened.

"I'm so happy for you, Excel! Ilpala is certainly very handsome, and-"

Hyatt was cut off by a vengeful, raging Excel with an aura of dark flames and a giant mace in her hands.

"Don't think I won't KILL you if you so much as-"

"No, no, I would never think of doing something like that, Excel! I was just saying, he's very handsome and you're lucky to have him," Hyatt replied, completely unfazed by the mace-weilding Yami Excel, as if things like this happened to Excel all of the time (which they probably did, actually).


	4. Of Pets and Keys

**The Dog-Stew College Fiasco**

**By ArtikGato**

Disclaimer: I don't own _Excel Saga_, but I DO own a car now!! Yay for me!!

Author's Notes: Sorry for taking so long to post this one as well! And I'm sorry in advance for the cliffhanger at the end!!! There are six new characters in this, but three of them are just playing random parts that probably won't be used again, and they will go on to fill other parts later in the series. Well, actually, only _five_ are new, since Key made his entrance a couple of chapters ago. Anyway, beware of excessive asterisking () throughout the chapter, and be sure to check at the bottom for an explanation as to why I asterisked certain words! And now, I present you with...

**Chapter Four: Of Pets and Keys**

Excel and Hyatt walked into classroom Æ77 and, looking around, decided to take a seat towards the back. When they sat down, Excel pulled out her notebook and continued writing 'Hail Ilpalazzo!' in it, and drawing hearts with 'EI' inside them and rabid things like that. Hyatt suddenly gasped and tapped Excel on the shoulder. Excel looked up to see the blonde, guitar-playing, backless pants-wearing guy from before entering the class. He was now wearing a tight red muscle shirt and red pants WITH backs (as backless pants and straps for shirts were against Dog-Stew's dress code.). He walked in, took one look at Excel (who was swooning) and promptly decided to sit next to her. She quickly snapped out of her 'fangirl swooning over hot blonde musician' mode.

"H-hello. I saw you playing your song yesterday! Who are you?" Excel asked. The musician grinned impishly (making Excel swoon again), and began his introduction, dramatically.

"My name is Key. I am a Key. And could you perhaps be...my key-hole?"

Now, a NORMAL girl would have responded to a question like that by slapping the guy and calling him a pervert, but Excel did not. She simply swooned again, turning crimson-ish. Hyatt gasped.

"Oh my! What would Mr. Ilpalazzo think if he saw this?" she asked herself, and then promptly fell asleep, though neither Key nor Excel seemed to notice.

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Excel skipped to her last class, Japanese, alone. Of course she was stared at, who wouldn't stare at someone skipping around a school looking like they had just won the lottery or something? She reached the door marked B9999.9 fairly easily, surprisingly enough, since it was next door to her Music Appreciation class, and skipped in, plunking down in a random seat. She took out her notebook, and her jaw promptly dropped, fell to the floor, and rolled away, forcing her to scramble after it and reattach it before she could continue her shocked reaction.

"Oh no! Excel forgot about that dreamy hunk Ilpalazzo!!" she practically screamed. Her classmates glared at her, but turned back to their own affairs, grumbling about stupid blondes or whatever. Excel whimpered, and slumped down in her chair, tuning out her classmates' grumbles, her teacher's talking, and the little voices in her head telling her to break things and set the school on fire.

"Waaaugh! Excel is so confused!" she suddenly shouted, earning her a glare from her classmates and Nabeshin (the teacher) alike.

"WHAT don't you understand?! All I've said so far is my NAME!!" Nabeshin shouted angrily.

"Excel understands that, but Excel is confused about something else! Excel likes the bishielicious Ilpala but she likes Key too! Why Excel, why?!" Excel wailed. Nabeshin sweatdropped.

"Get out of my class, you freak of nature!" he ordered.

"Wow, all this drama and this is only the second day of classes? If I didn't know any better, I'd say this was a soap opera," commented the Great Will of the Macrocosym, eating a fudgesicle happily.

"Are soap operas _this_ demented?" ArtikGato asked.

"Umm...hello?! I've got a real crisis here!!" Excel shouted at them.

"This isn't a real crisis, Excel! _This_ is a real crisis!" ArtikGato replied, snapping her fingers. Excel was suddenly standing on the side of a volcano. The volcano proceeded to erupt, and Excel proceeded to run screaming down the mountain, her arms flailing about wildly.

"WAAAUUUUGGGGHHHH!!" Excel screamed. ArtikGato snapped her fingers and Excel was back in school, gasping for breath and trying to recover from a mild heart attack. The Great Will laughed at this, and Excel glared at her.

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"So he ordered you out of class?" Misaki asked. It was an hour later, and she, Excel and Hyatt were in their dorm room, relaxing. Excel nodded.

"What I want to know, Excel, is what you're going to do about Mr. Key and Mr. Ilpalazzo," Hyatt asked, concerned. Excel sighed.

"Excel likes them both, but Excel knows she must choose. Excel just doesn't know whether she should choose the dreamy super-bishie Ilpala, not knowing if he likes her, or the sexy musician Key, who definitely likes her," Excel explained, in third-person.

"I can see why you're so confused. Okay, let's try this. Assume they _both_ like you. Who would you choose _then_?" Misaki asked.

"Ilpala, definitely!" Excel exclaimed.

"Well then, all you need to do is find out if Ilpala likes you, and if he does, give Key the boot, and if he doesn't, then just go with Key and give Ilpala the boot!" Misaki replied. Excel blinked.

"Wow, why didn't _I_ think of that? That seems so simple!" Excel exclaimed. Hyatt stood up.

"Well, I think I must be going now," she told them.

"Where ya goin', Hatchan?" Excel asked.

"I have a project in one of my classes that I must obtain something for," Hyatt replied.

"In that case, I'll go with you!!" Excel volunteered, also standing, and turning to look at Misaki.

"You comin' too?" she asked. Misaki waved one of her hands in front of her face.

"Nah, I've got homework. See you guys later!" she answered.

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"So, Hatchan, WHY are we going to a pet store?" Excel asked, as she and Hyatt walked along a sidewalk of F-City, F-Prefecture. Classes were long over, and night would soon settle over the city.

"Because, Excel, I need an animal to use for my psychology class project," Hyatt explained again.

"Oh yeah! Excel forgot!" Excel exclaimed. Hyatt smiled and then stopped walking, followed shortly by Excel.

"Here we are! 'The Ropponmatsu Sisters Pet Store'." Hyatt said. Excel eyed the sign, featuring two superdeformed girls with purple hair, and shrugged, following Hyatt inside. As soon as they stepped through the door, a little spore with purple and pink hair and what looked like an extension cord coming from the back of her head, who could only be described as 'genki', bounced up to them.

"HELLO! HELLO! HELLO! WELCOME TO THE ROPPONMATSU SISTERS PETSHOP!!" the girl exclaimed, glomping both Hyatt and Excel.

"Aagh! Get away you little spawn!" Excel exclaimed, but the girl just squeezed tighter, making Excel turn blue and choke for breath.

"I'm Ropponmatsu!! Can I call you big sister?!" the spore shrieked.

"Only...if...you...let...go!!" Excel gasped out. Ropponmatsu promptly let go, shouting an enthusiastic "okay!!" and skipping away.

Meanwhile, Hyatt had begun looking around the store. She stopped and eyed a cage between the iguanas and parrots. Inside of said cage was a strange looking yellow thing that looked like a cross between a mouse and a teddy bear, only weirder, and was wearing a strange pink tutu of some sort, holding a futon beater. The sign below the cage said "puchuu".

"Awww! It's so cute!" she exclaimed, and turned toward Excel. "Excel! Come and look at this, uh, this Puchuu!"

"Puchuu? Is that some kinda fish?" Excel asked, walking over (which was kinda hard, with Ropponmatsu latched around her legs).

"Isn't it adorable?" Hyatt asked.

"What IS it?" Excel asked.

"Silly, that's a Puchuu!" Ropponmatsu exclaimed.

"How much is it?" Hyatt asked.

"Whoa, Hatchan! Are you really BUYING that thing?" Excel asked. Hyatt shrugged.

"It seems intelligent enough for my project," Hyatt replied. Excel looked from the puchuu to Hyatt, back to the puchuu and then back to Hyatt.

"Whatever, Hatchan," Excel sighed and walked off to survey the rest of the store, trailed by a hyper Ropponmatsu. Hyatt picked up the cage with the puchuu in it and walked up to the counter. Behind said counter was a tall woman with short purple hair, wearing a white lab coat.

"Hello. I'm Ropponmatsu. Do you want to buy that puchuu, miss?" she asked, smiling.

"Yes, indeed, I do," Hyatt replied, also smiling. The piano music returned and shoujo sparkles began to float around the two of them. Excel stalked around the petshop.

"WHEEEERRRREEE is that piano music coming from?!" she demanded. Many vases of white lilies suddenly appeared from out of nowhere.

"WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!! THIS IS **NOT **A SHOUJO-AI STORY!!" Excel screamed. Ropponmatsu and Hyatt sweatdropped as the piano music, lilies and sparkles disappeared.

"That will be 20.95, miss," Ropponmatsu said. Hyatt smiled and handed her some money.

Meanwhile, Excel had found a pen full of puppies all yipping and jumping around hyperly, except for one. Excel looked at the non-energetic animal, quirking an eyebrow.

"Hey, is this cat s'posed to be in here with the puppies?" she asked. Genki Ropponmatsu tackle-glomped her.

"YOU ASKED ME A QUESTION, BIG SISTER!! ROPPONMATSU IS SO OVERJOYED!!" the girl screamed, choking the life out of Excel.

"Ack...haagh...get...offa...me..." Excel managed to utter. Ropponmatsu jumped up and skipped around the store, singing "I'm a magical unicorn! With rainbow colors and glowing horn!" rabidly. Excel got up, gasping and wheezing for breath, and looked over at the "cat". It was in a corner, laying down, darting it's eyes around the pen warily. Suddenly, it jumped up, leaped onto the back of one of the larger puppies, and made a daring leap for the edge of the pen. Excel looked back to see the genki girl singing _Freckles_ and glomping some poor unfortunate turtle and a poor unfortunate rabbit, and the other Ropponmatsu smiling. She sighed and reached out, catching the cat/dog thing as it managed to clear the top of the pen and _almost_ escaped.

"Now, now, no escaping," she scolded, and looked around, quickly finding the pen with cats in it. She walked to the pen with the intention of returning the weird animal to what looked like it's brethren, when Ropponmatsu stopped her.

"Don't put that dog in the cats' pen, big sister!!" she shrieked. Excel held the "dog" up to examine it.

"This is a dog?" she asked.

"Well, we THINK so, anyway," Ropponmatsu shrugged. The dog had previously been quivering in fear, but now passed out from shock. Ropponmatsu smiled.

"Look, big sister! I think she likes you!!" Ropponmatsu exclaimed. "Hey, do you wanna keep her? I can let you have her for free, big sister!!" Excel looked thoughtful.

"Well...they ARE letting us keep pets in the dorms now so...why not?" Excel replied.

"Oh YAY big sister!!" Ropponmatsu exclaimed and yet again tackle-glomped the blonde. Excel felt her ribs being crushed and her lungs being unable to take in air for the third time in the past fifteen minutes. She glared over at Hyatt, who was cuddling her new "puchuu", blaming her for all of this.

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A little while later, Excel and Hyatt had escaped from the pet store, Excel having to tie the genki Ropponmatsu up and made a very quick retreat, taking Hyatt with her. They now carried their new pets through the busy streets as night settled onto F-City.

"So, Hatchan, what're you gonna name your puchuu?" Excel asked.

"I was thinking about Bob. Bob the Puchuu." Hyatt replied.

"What about Godzilla?"

"That's a good name! Thank you, Excel!" Hyatt exclaimed, and looked down at her puchuu. "Okay, from now on, you're Godzilla the Puchuu,"

"Puchuu," said the puchuu, dazedly.

"What about you?" Hyatt asked Excel. She shrugged.

"Dunno,"

At this point, the puppy in her arms woke up. It was also at this point that the two girls and two pets walked by a random deli and/or meat-centric restaurant.  
"Menchi, 50 off! Menchi, 50 off! Come and get it while it's hot!!" a random guy shouted from the doorway of the restaurant. Excel smiled.

"Okay, I'll name you Menchi! That way, if we ever get hungry we can just pretend like we're eating you!!" Excel joked. The newly named puppy promptly passed out from the shock with a sad little whimper. Excel just giggled.

"Hey, we should drop these two off at the dorm and go to Q-Mart to get some food for 'em and other stuff!" Excel suggested. Hyatt nodded.

"Great idea, Excel!"

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And so, indeed, the two headed for the local Q-Mart, trailed by one invited visitor and three uninvited visitors in the forms if Misaki, Iwata, Watanabe, and Sumiyoshi.

"So, what are you lovely ladies buying in Q-Mart?" Iwata asked.

"Pet supplies," Excel and Hyatt chorused.

"Pepper spray," Misaki replied threateningly when Iwata's hands got a little to close to her rear.

"Well, if anyone's interested, I'm buying a book for history class," Watanabe replied.

-I'm buying _Breathing for Dummies_ for Iwata.- Sumiyoshi remarked.

"HEY!! I may be a LITTLE lacking in the brains department, but I'm NOT stupid," Iwata exclaimed, and promptly tripped over nothing and fell on his face. Everyone rolled their eyes and Sumiyoshi helped him to his feet.

They made it to Q-Mart without the blundering fool Iwata making a complete idiot of himself _too_ many more times. When they arrived, their attention was drawn to a strange-looking girl standing on a moose (where the moose came from, they'll never know) shouting "I HAVE ISSUES!!".

"Hey, isn't that they authoress?" Iwata asked. A big sign that said "BINGO!!" dropped on his head, but he was miraculously unhurt.

"Anyway, let's go in. We don't have all night," Excel said. Everyone agreed, and they waltzed into the store.

FIRST ORDER OF BUSINESS: PET SUPPLIES

"Excuse me," Hyatt said, walking up to a booth that read 'information', "Can you tell me if this store sells puchuu food?"

"Aisle 5," Kabapu replied, pointing in an arbitrary direction. Hyatt, as well as everyone else, looked to see a huge sign with a Puchuu on it and the words 'Puchuu Supplies' below it. Everyone sweatdropped, Hyatt thanked Kabapu, and they trotted in the general direction of the sign. Before they got there, Excel spotted her angelic bishie, Ilpalazzo, carefully staring into space as he sat in a random recliner in the furniture section. She snuck up behind him and put her hands over his eyes.

"Guess who!" she exclaimed.

"Bertha?" he asked.

"No, Excel!" Excel exclaimed, taking her hands off of his eyes and plopping into another recliner across from him. "Who's Bertha?"

"My sister-in-law twice removed...it's a LONG story," Ilpala quickly explained, and then noticed he was talking to Excel.

"Oh, what brings you here, Excel?" he asked.

"Pet supplies. How about you? Don't tell me you come here to meet all of the weirdos, Ilpala?" Excel asked.

"Oh, no, I'm here studying people for a class project. I'm supposed to study the behavior of six random people," he replied. She jumped up.

"Perfect! Including me, that's how many people I came in with! You can study us!" she exclaimed, grabbing his arm and dragging him off toward her friends in the puchuu supplies aisle. He just let himself be dragged along by Excel, smiling at her excessive amounts of energy.

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And so, they indeed got their pet supplies, pepper spray, books, and other miscellaneous things. Ilpala stood back from them, observing their behavior and writing things down in his notebook. By the time they left Q-Mart, he had covered four pages with random little notes about the six of them. They made the three stooges carry the heavy stuff (Watanabe voluntarily carried all of Hyatt's stuff, and Iwata was forced by Misaki to carry most of Excel's stuff), and together the seven of them walked back to the college. Ilpala flipped through his notebook, making little notes here and there, catching Excel's interest.

"Ummm...Ilpala?" she asked. He looked up from his notebook.

"Hm?" he asked.

"I was wondering...what did you put about _me_ in that notebook?" she asked. He blinked, flipped one of the pages, and handed the notebook to her.

"Start here," he said, pointing to a line halfway down the page. She nodded, and began to read what he had written.

'High energy, loud sometimes, smiles a lot, is generally a happy person,' she read, and then stopped on one word. 'Beautiful.' She blushed a dark crimson.

_'All you need to do is find out if Ilpala likes you, and if he does, give Key the boot...' _echoed through her head. Stealing a glance over at a glaring Misaki and a smiling Hyatt, she nodded to herself, and turned back to Ilpala, determinedly trying to keep her blush under control.

"Hey, Ilpala?" she asked again. He turned to look at her. She swallowed, and opened her mouth to say something, but was cut off by a shout of "OH CRAP!!" from Iwata. She turned to glare at him, along with everyone else.

"Do you guys realize what time it is? They _lock_ the doors of most of the freshmen dorms in FIVE MINUTES!!" he exclaimed. Everyone looked at everyone else like deer caught in the headlights of a big semi truck, before taking off at a full-tilt run toward the campus. Excel cursed her luck, promising if she ever met the deity in charge of fate she would give him or her a piece of her mind.

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"That's it for chapter four, but I, the great and terrible ArtikGato, and my assistant, the Great Will of the Macrocosym-"

"ASSISTANT?!"  
"Okay...associate?"

"That's better."

"Anyway, we'll be explaining all of those asterisk marks () you saw all through this chapter."

Spore a word that myself and some of my friends use to describe children, especially evil little children that are annoying and we generally want to murder.

Genki Japanese for 'high energy' or 'hyper'

Spawn another word we use to mean child, except this one is stronger and reserved only for the children that are spawns of Satan (hence the word we use).

Singing _Freckles_ while glomping some unfortunate turtle and a poor unfortunate rabbit in the song _Freckles _(from _Rurouni Kenshin_), the singer mentions a stuffed turtle and a stuffed rabbit.

Godzilla a name I arbitrarily decided one day would be the perfect name for a moose. Don't ask.

Bertha if you ever see the names "Bertha", "Tina", or "Bobette", they are part of an inside joke between moi and two of my deranged friends, and the joke is far too stupid and complicated to explain.

"I hope you understood that! ArtikGato says she'll hurry up with chapter five but doesn't promise anything! Goodbye, and happy reading!!" the Great Will exclaimed.


End file.
